We're going through a rough season over here and I think some of you out there may be as well. While I'm not really looking for advice, I feel like I should just share where we are right now.
Let me start with this disclaimer: I am a freaking awesome mom! Like the absolute best there ever was! I'm on top of my game.... June Cleaver ain't got nothing on me! And..... I fall asleep most nights feeling like I'm somehow failing at this Mom game and could have done so many things differently that day: i.e. Not yelled, gotten off my phone and paid attention, listened more, held them more, not cursed... I mean..honesty..
But, right now, is an unprecedented season in parenting. I'm not sure that I've felt so unsure or out of control since the little one was a newborn that didn't sleep for the first 17 months of his life, required to be held/fed for 22 out of 24 hours, and I literally thought I was losing my ever loving mind... Thank the good Lord for creating grapes or I may not have survived...
But, we've rounded this bend, kids are getting older, and with that, developing into their own human forms that also have their own personalities and mind sets... I was a strong willed child. My husband was a strong willed child. We're both incredibly strong willed adults..... *as iron sharpens iron*. And, I have absolutely no doubt that my youngest will be a successful entrepreneur who goes on to lead legions of people and quite possibly rule the world. It's in his DNA and I thank God daily for making him strong enough to be a leader that God needs in his army. However, it's that space in between where we're struggling.
We're struggling with him not taking responsibility, not listening, arguing constantly with his brother, talking back, and basically.. doing whatever the heck he feels like.... It's not that he gets in trouble or has a track record. He actually has a great repertoire with his teachers, Sunday school workers, other parents, etc.... He just pushes our/my buttons & loves every minute of it.
Tonight while saying prayers, I very candidly prayed that God would "Help Mom to be more understanding, more patient, communicate more, and follow God's will in raising witnesses for him." There may or may not have been a line about God helping mom to not beat/choke the children... thrown in there...
Listen, I know my kid will SOAR & do amazing things in life! God planted him on this earth to be a leader and I love his little squishy cheeks that I want to kiss on a daily basis! But, I also know that we all struggle with different seasons and this is just where we are right now. So, please send up a prayer for me that he will make life a little easier right now and let me know how I can pray for you as well!
I went to sleep last night after listening to a conference call covering details for our upcoming convention. I made a checklist of things that I needed to pack, looked at the weather in Vegas, and chatted with my business partners about scheduling happy hour meet ups, team dinners, what we were wearing for the gala, etc....
What I didn't account for was waking up to see the news of the deadliest mass shooting in US history. I should be packing. But, instead, I'm glued to the television and social media with tears streaming down my face. I can't imagine the emotional and psychological trauma the survivors have endured. I can't imagine the grief and pain that the families of the victims have experienced. I can't imagine the sheer terror that everyone there had to feel.
I don't understand what could ever convince someone to do something so horrendously atrocious! But, I'm reminded of the message yesterday, Wasteland: Lessons from the book of Job. After losing everything and all of his children dying, Job still praised the Lord. Job 1:20-22. God is still good and God is still Love in a world filled with evil. Without the presence of evil you wouldn't recognize Love. You can have no light without there being dark, no hot without cold.
And so, today, as I go about my day, I will praise God because he is good. I will pray for those victims of evil. I will hug my loved ones a little tighter and try not to take one single second with them for granted. I will also pray that God uses me to touch someone that may be struggling. I pray that his love shines through me to someone that needs to see it. I pray that any individual tormented inside of their own mind to the point where they feel it necessary to pour out pure evil on others may see the light and the love of God through someone willing to reach out and share it with them. We can walk around questioning and asking why and blaming, or we can look to him, Creator of All Things & pray that he use us to share his love with others so that we may live to see more Love in the world than Evil.
Hi! I'm, Brandi, founder of The Power Project and I'm so glad you're here! I've been speaking and writing all my life and find my greatest joy in helping others see themselves as God does while realizing their own POWER! I hope you find some inspiration, encouragement, and empowerment here.